to want

He is rapt by the arms of another,

taken in the way she plays with his heart

underneath the eyes around us,

I am forever waiting for him to realise

how he held me,

holds me,

for every time I see him I wonder what if,

my heart tried and tested,

thrown to the side like the chance-man’s dice.

I wonder if he feels the same,

convoluted in our sway;

the two-step three-step where I am

captured between them

every time.

We have spent more than one summer on the precipice,

my secret that I do not wish to keep,

my worship and my friend,

the man I want to love.