'He had it coming'
on gender and the battles it spurs
**note: throughout this piece, I will be using the terms ‘woman/women’ and ‘man/men’, however this is not meant to exclude those who do not identify with these terms, and is purely for legibility.
Grotesque phrases, such as ‘your body, my choice’ cannot go unspoken about. Listening to an episode of the ‘The Story’ podcast (link), I was horrified to hear the misogynistic sentiment correlated with the incoming Trump administration. It is hardly surprising, therefore, to see the rise of “anti-man” sentiment, including the blowing up of the “4B” movement on social media. Herein, we’ll discuss this idea, as well as asking what can be done next.
Chastity?
It’s incredibly interesting that withholding sex is seen, even by actively advocating women, as a punishment. This is not necessarily a critique on them and their beliefs, and in fact reflects the entrenched values of a patriarchal society. From birth, we are automatically inducted into the systems that surround us, leading to the subconscious setting of generalised teaching and rules, such as gendered traits. Because sex is correlated in our minds with women’s value (and men’s satisfaction - which is reductionist in itself, let’s remember), we attempt to strip society of its power by disrupting its hold on us, therefore reinforcing the idea that woman equals sex. This is all very convoluted, and unfortunately may make us realise that dismantling the way our society views gender is much harder than it necessarily appears.
The “uptake” in chastity (to put it that way) is intriguing in its timing. One of the key examples of the 20th century is during the second-wave of feminism with groups such as Cell 16, where the sentiment of key figures lead to the spreading of abstinence from sexual relations with men by women from a range of demographics. This correlated with the Civil Rights Movement in America. This correlating of movements carries, too: the more recent “girlboss no men” era aligned with the #MeToo movement. While both of these historical events are clearly important to be remembered and reflected upon for the furtherance of gender equality, it must be noted: do we really want to antagonise men when we want them to listen?
The “4B” movement, originating in South Korea, represents the four “noes” regarding relations between women and men. No sex, no dating, no marriage, no children: these are the rules of the game. Reminiscent of historical feminist movements, this highly “anti-man” pursuit of liberty is multi-faceted. Beginning due to the discovery of hidden cameras in women’s toilets, the “4B” movement has spread across the globe , reflecting the anguish of women everywhere regarding how they are seen and ownership of their bodies. With Trump back on the presidential throne, one can see the reason; his standing on reproductive rights, for a start. With those closest to him, and the alarming choices being made for the cabinet, being considered, the timing for “4B” could have easily been predicted. This not only reveals the tensions ever present between the genders, but also reveals how much work there is still left to do, particularly when considering falling birthrates in the UK.
Body choice
The birthrates in several places around the world are falling dramatically. While this is a fact, I find the discourse rather interesting. The onus seems to fall greatly on women, no matter if the conversation is around better childcare facilities, maternity leave, or care during pregnancy. Greater accessibility of the workplace and continuance of education are just two reasons why women are not having children or are having them later, therefore resulting in fewer births overall. In addition, the license for women to have their bodies as their own — being able to take the lead on what they want for it — is a huge factor for deciding on whether to become pregnant or not. The huge changes that the body goes through during this nine months, and that remain for the rest of one’s life, are incomparable to anything else. While having a child is undeniably a great change for men and women alike, it is the female body that must endure this physically for the rest of its life.
The insurmountable pressures placed on women to look a certain way also plays into this. While refusing pregnancy is a political statement for some, for others it is the bane to the perfect body. Now, we are stuck; we must be producing babies and producing abs.
The modern encouragement of women to have children reflects the boost promoted during the birth of the boomers. While, of course, the circumstances are different, it must be noted that having children is still framed as a selfless act, helping society as a whole towards that ghostly state, ‘prosperity’. Perhaps we are even made to feel selfish or unnatural for not desiring children in our twenties. The risk factors of later pregnancies (while backed up by medical science) are flashed before us as we reach thirty like a mating call or the routine herding of sheep into their respective pens. While the pursuit of careers and higher education by men is seen as nothing but usual, this pursuit is directly combatted with motherhood for women, portraying them as either one state or another, as well as painting those opting for the latter as less selfish. I do not deny that there is an imbalance in our population, with the average age creeping up and causing strain on the NHS and the economy, but I doubt that this should all be placed at the feet of young women who thought they had been offered a choice.
It seems that no matter what we do, we are subject to belittlement or hatred.
Female power
On the Chicago thought, I wonder at the sense of power associated with such “anti-man” ideas. A woman’s confidence seems to be tied up in how dominating and even aggressive she is, whether that be the tricksy femme fatale or the dominatrix. Giving women weapons, and thereby associating them with traditional images of masculinity, is the media’s way of portraying them as commanders of their own lives, not to be messed with by anyone or anything. But women having to be so extreme or emotionless to appear powerful is neither sustainable nor accessible. For those of us who do not pertain to murder, how do we gain any authority over our own lives?
Adding another layer to this is the flip-flop between chastity and liberation, in her video ‘no one wants to be a hoe anymore’, Jordan Theresa comments on the transition from sex-positive feminism to more conservative ideals, reflecting on how these seem to interchange like fashion trends. Indeed, it is startling how quickly these changes may occur, often leaving people unsure of which approach is best. It’s never entirely one way, either. Sexual innuendos and images in popular music are pervasive, no matter the feminist movement’s favoured arguments, likely stemming from the marketability of sex.
I don’t hate men. Sure, the odd joke here and there — I hold my hands up in guilt — but the majority of men I have ever known are lovely people. There are (to be affectionate) scumbags out there, but there are such of any gender. A sweeping statement about an entire demographic is misguided and hinders any progress one may strive for.
Conclusions
I have my reservations about the “4B” movement. For one, I worry that extreme measures brew extreme measures. In other words, that by combatting the woman hate with man hate, we are feeding a cycle rather than dismantling it. To further gender equality we must engage in conversation, not shut others out. Adding to this the looming danger of political extremism, and there is definite concern for the wellbeing of women, trans, and gender non-conforming individuals if the movement continues to prosper. To see a ‘lasting change’, it is just as important for men to engage and talk to other men about women’s rights as it is for everyone else.
Nothing happens without crossing the line.